Break

 I urged myself to learn so much things that I forgot how to entertain myself.

Until I started laughing and crying so hard while I watched drama yesterday, I didn't notice a life that I've missed. It feels great to laugh and cry heartily, to unleash emotions that I've been holding on to myself. I've been too harsh on myself,and I guess it makes people around me stressful as well. I'm sorry.

lxh, just wake up and stop overwhelming yourself.I just want you to be happy.You can't bring joy to the world if you do not learn the way to rejoice in it. Smile :) cry heartily when you're sad ; laugh your childish laughs again. Be yourself, don't rush, don't urge. Let everything grows gradually. 

There'll be no growth without change,
no change  without fear or loss, and no loss without pain.


-Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren-

memory lane

So I sat down on the chair, staring blankly, indecisive about what to draw. As my eyes darted to my book shelves, an answer just rang up. 

I had a  pet tortoise when I was back in primary school. I think I was 12  and my dad just happened to bring a tiny little tortoise back home. A few months later, we set it free as we decided that it's the best for it. :) I still don't know if it's a he or she. 

Before we're actually parted, I just had this intuition that told me that it'll leave me someday. I didn't own a camera and so I just roughly sketched its shape and outlines on a notebook paper. I haven't learnt how to sketch until I was in secondary school and so I could just draw it roughly.Today, I still couldn't sketch much referring to what I've sketched last time, as the outlines drawn were too rough and blur. 

Then the memory just gushed down on me. I miss it so much, and I always wonder how it has been. I didn't even get to give it a proper name. As what I could recall, it was extremely quiet... and lonely. It didn't growl, didn't even make a sound. It stayed immobile at the corner of its house and I guess being there alone terrified it. That became the major reason we set it free...

yeah, I miss it but I never regretted the decision... When we love something, we hope for what's best for it, unconditionally. 

*toink*

Went for a jog this morning. Couldn't even manage to run 1 round ( ard 1.2km), I jogged only 1/3 to 1/2 round, urged by my cell group member. When I started jogging, it drained off my energy almost immediately, so I began to gulp and gasp for air . Just then I realized how poor my stamina is. I'm so impressed by my friends who can really run or jog consistently. *salute*

So the rest of the journey I just staggered along before I could walk properly again. I walked most of the time, so I never realized my stamina is that bad. == However, it can't be denied that morning breeze is good, it creates a good environment and I feel that it's good for my soul. 

Hmm, going back to Ipoh soon in few days' time, after I'm done with the application thingy here. So hopefully I can meditate better back there, and have all the spaces that I needed, and... I want to bring changes back there. 1) transformation of my house 2) changes on me

yup, I realized I haven't really listed down my new year resolution? So I'll just publicize it. 

1) Learn to cook at least 5 new dishes.
2) Finish reading "Purpose Driven Life"
3) Learn all chords of Ukulele
4) Be braver
5) Sleep earlier
6) will exercise and lose weight ( can run at least 2 rounds )
7) Finish reading on the book of Genesis and 3 other chapters of bible.
8) Finish reading Twilight series books.
9) continue painting and drawing
10) Brush up English
11) Fulfill most of the promises done
12) Make time for family and friends

*yeah, edited.

7.1.2013

I've never felt so alive before. Today has been a really tiring day, yet the satisfaction can't be described merely by words. I feel so happy working hard for my future, I feel so happy finding direction in my life again, I feel so, so, so relieved. I feel so happy doing everything on my own, I feel so happy doing things not under instructions anymore. Yes, people comment, people judge, people criticize but who cares anymore? This is my own life that I'm living, and other people's comments should only be advice and not instructions. After so long, I finally feel happy again! yay!!! :D :D :D

Sis, thank you for sharing thoughts yesterday, thank you for the advice you've given, thank you for being so caring and thank you for daring yourself to open up my mind in the midst of everything. Thank you for knowing me so well :D I LOVE YOU !!! ^^ I may be a terrible younger sister but you surely are an awesome elder sis ♥

After reaching lrt station and waiting for the free shuttle bus for like half an hour, the shuttle bus finally arrived, but people were competing and cutting the queue just to get on board. So at last I missed the ride as the bus was fully occupied. However, Thank God for that. I waited for another 30 - 45 minutes for U89 - alternative ride to get to my grandma's house. As I was waiting for U89, a pregnant lady with an elderly woman approached me, asking me which bus they should get on to go to One Utama. I'm glad that I was able to help and got them onto a free shuttle bus to One Utama. The happiness of being able to help is superb. The wait was so worth it because if I hadn't missed the bus, I wouldn't be able to help. Happy happy happy!!! ahahaha XD

Ya, I want to get into medical line, because simple act of helping and assisting people is an act of love, and I want to love people more. I am unsociable, impatient and there're a lot of things yet for me to learn. One day, I'll be a really tough man, I'll be strong enough to take care of myself and also other people. This is not going to be easy and there'll be even more struggles in future, yet I'll persevere through and I'll grow to be stronger and better. :) Everything has just begun. wee~